The Inability Inside Of Me
by PureKagome
Summary: Written for day 3 of InuKag week (Flaws) With a loud gasp, Kagome sat up in her sleeping bag, her body covered in a slick sheet of sweat. She wanted to cry. Or throw up. Maybe both.
With a loud gasp, Kagome sat up in her sleeping bag, her body covered in a slick sheet of sweat. She wanted to cry. Or throw up. Maybe both.

She settled for the aforementioned. Crawling out of her sleeping bag and towards what was once a bright, burning fire, now reduced to a few smoldering embers. She brought her knees to her chest and her arms on top on her knees. Quickly, she buried her face in her arms and cried silently to herself. She didn't want to feel this way, but she wasn't a lucid dreamer. She couldn't control her dreams. But Gods, did she wish she could now. It was horrible.

She had been alone, standing in a field of wildflowers. The wind danced around her and the flowers swayed. She had smiled, spinning around and enjoying the way the sun dusted the landscape and warmed her face. Her grip on her bow had loosened as she enjoyed herself. The others were nowhere in sight but it did not matter because she had felt so free. It did not last long,however, as dark clouds appeared out of nowhere, rolling in and smothering the sunlight. The gentle wind that floated about picked up and her hair whipped against her face. The flowers broke loose of the ground and all but disappeared in the whistling wind.

Naraku had appeared in front of her, signature smirk upon his face like he had no fear of the girl. She knew this not to be true and was quickly armed and ready to defeat him. His expression had changed to one of panic as Kagome raise her bow, aiming for the nearly complete jewel located within his body. But it was not she that he feared.

"Kikyou…" He murmured, eyes full of panic though he tried so hard not to let it be seen. Kagome spun around to see Kikyou, poised and pristine.

"Naraku." Kikyou's voice boomed through the dark field, strong and focused. She smoothly pulled an arrow from her quiver and knocked it in her bow, moving it up to aim directly at Naraku's forehead.

"You. Girl." Kikyou's gaze quickly slipped over in Kagome's direction, her eyes narrowed before to looked back at Naraku. "Go. You are not needed here." Kagome stood in shock for a moment before she frowned slightly.

"W-What? No way! I can help!" Kagome's aim rose again and she stood strong next to older priestess.

"No, you are not as strong as I am. You will only become a distraction. You are a mere hindrance. Leave me."

"But-"

"Leave!" Kikyou's patience and concentration broke for a moment. Naraku took his opportunity as it presented itself to him. A malevolent smirk crept onto his face as his hand rose, turning into fleshy spikes.

"This will be the last time you turn your head from me, Kikyou." The spikes shot forward, impaling Kikyou's clay body. She did not bleed but the souls of the dead fled her body as miasma entered. Her body, no longer able to support itself, fell to the ground with a thud. Cracks spread up the hardened clay and her it splintered, pieces falling away. The incarnation lay motionless at the feet of her reincarnation. Kagome's breath hitched in her throat. There was no smell of decay or death, only that of Naraku's toxic miasma.

"Y-You… you did this. You are at fault." With the fleeting amount of energy she had left, Kikyou lifted her head and turned to look Kagome directly in the eyes. Her eyes were full of malice and hate. She had died with feelings of hate before and now it had happened again. Having no energy left, Kikyou's head hit the ground and the back cracked, though she felt nothing. She was dead.

Kagome's breath suddenly left her throat in many small gasps of air. She panted quickly, almost to the point of hyperventilating. Tears welled up in her as her legs gave out beneath her and she slumped over Kikyou's inanimate clay shards that were once her body.

"It's my fault."

That was when she had woken up. She knew that that was probably the most unlikely situation that could ever befall her. Kikyou no longer had been trying to kill her. She no longer had ill will towards Inuyasha and Kagome knew that she was strong. But the dream had been so vivid. The feel of what was once Kikyou's body, cold and hard against her face as she lay atop the pieces, tears dripping down her chin. The feel of miasma being sucked rapidly into her lungs while she tried to control her breathing.

Kagome had an idea of what the dream had meant though. It was because, though Kagome didn't hate Kikyou, couldn't even if she wanted to, she always felt so, inadequate standing next to her. She seemed posed and perfect, always hitting her mark while Kagome was young and clumsy; her arrows wavering. She knew that there were a lot of variables to take into account before thoroughly comparing the two, side by side, but it would always erk her in the wrong way watching how beautiful she was in battle. She would always feel insecure and lesser. Sometimes she just felt she should-

"Kagome?" She went silent, stifling her tears, not moving a muscle.

"Don't pretend like your not crying, Kagome. I know you are. I could probably smell it from a mile away, ya know." He sounded almost like he was proud of his ability, if it hadn't been for the situation she was currently in. She turned her head to the side, facing away from him and his golden gaze and wiped her face with the back of her hand. Was he there the whole time, watching her?

Her heard the wrusling of his clothing and the soft thud his feet made as they hit the dirt, landing swiftly behind her.

"Kagome?" He tried to peer over her shoulder and look her in the face but she snapped her head in the other direction. He huffed irritably, trying not to lose his temper though she made it increasingly difficult for him. Finally, he snarled and hopped directly in front of her, grabbing the sides of her face and holding them firmly between his rough hands. He frowned at the tears, some still accumulating at her chin.

"Just tell me what's wrong. Are ya hurt?" He looked into her eyes, so dull and barren as they were.

She shook her head. She wasn't hurt physically. There was no wound visible to him to treat.

"It's nothing. Just go back to sleep. I'll be fine." She smiled so brightly he knew it was fake.

"Keh. I wasn't asleep anyway. Ya can't lie to me, wench. Just tell me." The concern in his eyes made her resolve crumb. She felt more tears come into her eyes but managed to hold them back.

"I-I just had a nightmare." She stared at the ground, twiddling her thumbs. He visibly stiffened though she didn't notice. He knew what it was like, horrible, twisted memories haunting you the one place you think you can escape.

He inched closer to her, forcing his face in her vision. "Tell me. About your nightmare I mean." This was the best thing to do, have her talk about it. She would feel better that way and then she could go back to sleep.

"It was about K-Kikyou." Her voice wavered as she spoke. She chanced a look at Inuyasha, though he held no reaction to her words. "At first it was only me. I was alone, in a field of flowers. It was sunny and the sky was clear. Suddenly, it became very dark and windy, making all the flowers blow away. Naraku floated before, with the most smug look on his face. I got ready to shoot him but I heard Kikyou's voice behind me. She told me I wasn't strong enough to kill him, that I should run. Of course, I refused and she turned to yell at me. While she and I were distracted, Naraku struck her, and killed her. It was my fault." Kagome closed her eyes tight, prolonging the inevitable spill of tears. "I know what she said wasn't true. I know that wasn't the Kikyou that you knew! But I can't help but feel so useless compared her sometimes! I'm inadequate compared to what she can do! She's so strong and beautiful and I'm just-"

"You're just Kagome." He said strongly.

"Exactly. I'm _just_ Kagome. Sometimes that's not enough." She sighed and Inuyasha frowned.

"Well, you know what? I don't believe you. You're Kagome and she's Kikyou. Both of you have things about you that aren't perfect. But both of you are good people. Kagome, it doesn't matter what Kikyou is or was like. You can't live your life, hoping to meet someone else's expectations, always being back to back with someone else. It's unrealistic. It's your life. It shouldn't be put on a scale of how much it was worth compared to another. You do your best and try your hardest and if that isn't enough for someone, then you shouldn't even be within 5 meters of them." She stared at him, shocked.

"You taught me that stuff, Kagome. I do my best and sometimes that doesn't get me what I want but you have never told me what I should have done or how what I did wasn't good enough. No matter what's happened, you've been proud. And you should be proud of _you_ too." He poked her square in the chest and folded his arms, thinking his little spiel conveyed his thoughts well enough, considering how he normally wasn't so good with words.

She laughed softly and wiped away a few tears, smiling, that had spilled over. She tipped her head to rest on his shoulder.

"Dummy. Go to bed. You're gonna get sick." Though he scolded her, he made no indication that he was going to move her and in fact, he shredded his robe of the Fire Rat and draped it over her shoulders. He rested his head on top of hers as she dozed off.


End file.
